I do not want to disappoint you right off the bat, but to include all the information of what you need to know about surviving a divorce would easily fill a 100-page book. Fortunately there are many books and guides out that are excellent resources, and can cover all the bases from first realizing that your divorce is imminent to how to recover, both financially and emotionally. My goal is to point out the main issues that you need to be constantly thinking about during the entire divorce process.
The first key is to come to the realization that you marriage is not going well. It is not hard to pick up on the clues that neither of you are happy in your current situation. But the big question is what are you going to do about it. Marriage counseling is an option, but both of you need to put in the effort to make things better. One person cannot do it alone. A separation is also an option, but I personally do not advocate it. During my separation, I found that all we did was drift farther apart, and the arguing only seemed to get worse. The final and most likely option is just to admit that a divorce may be the only route to take.
When you come to that decision where you know that a divorce is the near future it is important that you don't panic. Don't run straight out and hire the first divorce attorney that you find. The key is to remain as level-headed as possible. Sure you should meet with several attorneys and consult with them about your divorce, but leave your checkbook at home. Look for advice, ask questions, and listen to what they have to say, but do not hand over that $2000 retainer until the time is right. Trust me you will know!
If you have the option to settle your divorce civilly then by all means work for it. It is a much smoother, less stressful process than having two divorce attorneys duke it out over who is going to get the living room furniture. Letting the divorce attorneys take control of the whole process is the quickest way to end up with a fat attorney bill when the whole thing is finally over. Do not bicker with your wife over small frivolous things. Try to come to some kind of agreement before getting the divorce attorneys involved. These attorneys tend to have knack for making situations worse than they actually are. So obviously you don't want them making all the decisions for you.
But if you are in a situation where you and your wife cannot seem to resolve the bigger issues, then it is time to allow the divorce attorneys "lead" you in the right direction. Unfortunately, this is when the legal fees start to build up, but when you are fighting for important issues like your home, your kids, and you livelihood, it is well worth the money to allow an "expert" do the negotiating for you. Especially if your wife is being unreasonable about important issues like, who gets custody of the kids, alimony/maintenance payments, and/or child support. You need to choose your battles wisely and fight for the important things. Don't ever let your emotions (ie. anger, spite, etc) take control of your decision making. That makes for a long divorce case, and believe me others will see what you are up to (especially the judge!).
The whole idea is to use your brain throughout the entire divorce process, and know what is truly worth fighting for. No matter what path your wife and her divorce attorney choose to take, you always need to be the bigger person. They want to make you angry. They want you to act on your emotions. They want you to make stupid mistakes. And I promise you the judge will take note of all of this. Don't let your wife play the victim of your divorce. That is the role that they want to portray and if they pull it off, I guarantee that you will end up on the losing end of this entire thing.
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