How to Protect Children During a Divorce - 3 Steps to Minimizing Emotional Impact

Divorce is an unpleasant and difficult life transition for most people. There is an ideal of commitment, a shared history, living arrangements, finances, and of course the situation with the children which undergoes a fundamental change and/or loss. For your children, divorce is a profound change that they did not choose and have no control over, and it can be very traumatic on them, particularly if the parents allow their own conflict, anger, and bitterness to affect their interactions with the children. There are some steps you can take to protect your child from some of the challenging emotional fall out of divorce:

1. Never badmouth your spouse in front of your children or to them. Yes, you may have a lot of pain and anger during the divorce process, and your intimate relationship with your spouse is ending, but the relationship between your ex spouse and your children continues. Don't put them in a position of feeling pressured to take sides, or to comfort you emotionally. That is what your adult support network - friends, family, therapist -- is for.

2. Don't apologize for the divorce and take all the blame for the event. Yes, this is a big change, but assigning blame to yourself, or your spouse, does not accurately explain the event or assist your children in healthy processing. If you left an abusive alcoholic who cheated on you multiple times, it isn't a bad thing that the marriage ended, so don't treat it as if it is. If your ex continues his or her ways, you will probably not need to say a word. Your children will likely come to understand.

3. Do honor your children's feelings about the divorce. Even if you are not apologizing or assigning blame, you can still let them know their feelings are valid. You can mirror back what your children are saying, such as "What I hear you saying is that you are hurt and angry that this is happening, is that right?" You can offer age appropriate truth. While it isn't necessary to tell all the dirty details, you can honestly say something like, "Your father and I get along better when we live in separate houses, and I can be a better mommy to you then." If you have any questions about what to say, you can speak with a counselor to determine what to say given your unique situation.

By Shannon E Cook

Are you interested in addressing your life challenges from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

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