How to Protect Children During a Divorce - 3 Steps to Minimizing Emotional Impact

Divorce is an unpleasant and difficult life transition for most people. There is an ideal of commitment, a shared history, living arrangements, finances, and of course the situation with the children which undergoes a fundamental change and/or loss. For your children, divorce is a profound change that they did not choose and have no control over, and it can be very traumatic on them, particularly if the parents allow their own conflict, anger, and bitterness to affect their interactions with the children. There are some steps you can take to protect your child from some of the challenging emotional fall out of divorce:

1. Never badmouth your spouse in front of your children or to them. Yes, you may have a lot of pain and anger during the divorce process, and your intimate relationship with your spouse is ending, but the relationship between your ex spouse and your children continues. Don't put them in a position of feeling pressured to take sides, or to comfort you emotionally. That is what your adult support network - friends, family, therapist -- is for.

2. Don't apologize for the divorce and take all the blame for the event. Yes, this is a big change, but assigning blame to yourself, or your spouse, does not accurately explain the event or assist your children in healthy processing. If you left an abusive alcoholic who cheated on you multiple times, it isn't a bad thing that the marriage ended, so don't treat it as if it is. If your ex continues his or her ways, you will probably not need to say a word. Your children will likely come to understand.

3. Do honor your children's feelings about the divorce. Even if you are not apologizing or assigning blame, you can still let them know their feelings are valid. You can mirror back what your children are saying, such as "What I hear you saying is that you are hurt and angry that this is happening, is that right?" You can offer age appropriate truth. While it isn't necessary to tell all the dirty details, you can honestly say something like, "Your father and I get along better when we live in separate houses, and I can be a better mommy to you then." If you have any questions about what to say, you can speak with a counselor to determine what to say given your unique situation.

By Shannon E Cook

Are you interested in addressing your life challenges from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

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Divorce - 5 Steps to Take BEFORE You Separate

A California Family Law Attorney Explains How To Protect Yourself Before Separating or Divorcing.

Making the decision to separate from your spouse is a difficult one to say the least. In an effort to make you more prepared during this tough transition period, here are the five top ten steps to take before your separate.

Pre Divorce Step 1 - Close all Joint Bank Accounts

Even as a legally separated couple, you are still financially responsible for all joint accounts. In addition, your spouse still has access to these accounts as well.

Pre Divorce Step 2 - Cancel All Joint Credit Cards

As long as both names are on the credit cards, you both will still have access to them. When you have made the decision to separate, make sure that joint credit cards are the first ties to sever. Community debt is debt that occurs while two people are joined in some sort of legal contract such as marriage.

IMPORTANT - Even if the family court judge orders your spouse to pay a debt, the debtor can still come after you if your spouse doesn't pay that debt.

Pre Divorce Step 3 - Redirect Direct Deposits

Any monies that are directly deposited into joint accounts should be redirected immediately to ensure your money stays your money.

Pre Divorce Step 4 - Cancel All Joint Lines of Credit On Jointly-Held Property

In addition to cutting off all lines of credit to mutual properties, try to pay off any or all joint loans. This will cut back on the ties that will bind you to each other down the road.

Pre Divorce Step 5 - Get Legal Advice

Before you separate from your spouse, you need to be equipped with the legal advice needed to get you through this trying time with as little damage to your life and family as possible. Having legal advice can optimize your results in the case of a divorce, especially in child custody issues.

By Gina Famularo

Family legal matters can be extremely emotional, frustrating and costly. Because of this, it is important that you get the right information BEFORE you take action regarding a divorce, child custody, child support, adoption, or any other important legal matter.

Get the information you need to make an intelligent, informed decision regarding your and/or your children's lives. http://www.TemeculaDivorce.com has a wealth of information available to you to help you properly navigate the legal system in Temecula, Murrieta, Hemet, Riverside, and the entire Inland Empire. If you need to speak with an attorney, we have professional, compassionate attorneys to assist you. For a free consultation, please go to http://www.TemeculaDivorce.com

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Top Six Predictors of Divorce - What You Can Do About the Things That Are Crippling Your Marriage

Is your marriage in a rough spot? Odds are that you and your spouse have some of these challenges which researchers call risk factors. If you and your spouse find yourself anywhere on your list don't despair these are simply risk factors and do not determine the future of your marriage and it probably just means that you will need some help or good information to help get on a path towards marital health.

Here is the list of the top 6 risk factors that predict divorce.

1. You married when you were teenagers.

Study after study shows that age at marriage is one of the most powerful and consistent predictors of marital stability. If you marry before you turn twenty, you are much likely to divorce.

2. You lived together before you were married.

This one is counter intuitive to most people because they assume that living together will increase the quality of their marriage. However study after study is showing that that divorce rates are constantly higher for those who live together before they are married.

3. Your parents were divorced.

If you are your spouse come from a divorced family you are more likely to get a divorce. However if one of you comes from a home where there was a good marriage model then these risks actually go down.

4. You get pregnant before you are married.

The good news is that couples with children actually have lower divorce rates however, if their child is born seven months or before they are married then their risk for divorce actually goes up.

5. You haven't been married very long.

Most divorces happen early, often in the first year and about half by year 7. It makes sense to stick it out and let your marriage have a chance.

6. You make less than $25,000 a year.

Issues around money are some of the most common and deadly to marriages.

So again, if you find yourself on this list just remember these are the things that you can't change. So if you are worried about your marriage, if you are fighting all the time, or if you are talking about divorce you should know that there is hope. With the right information and a willingness to work on your marriage you can save it and make it something that is life giving to you both.

By Kimberly P. James

So take action right now and learn How To Save Your Marriage simply Click Here and you can learn how to make the changes your marriage needs to survive and then thrive.

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Crafting Renewal Wedding Vows - Life Changes Are a Perfect Time For a Perfect Vow Renewal Ceremony

A wise woman, whose name I have now forgotten wrote an article about wedding vows about 20 years ago. In it, she said that we should probably renew our wedding vows every 3 years or so, because our marriages and our lives changed that often. The vows of a couple contemplating children are different than those of a couple whose children have just graduated from school. And their vows are not really exactly the same as a couple who is about to retire. Maybe one of you has been injured or hurt. Both of you might benefit from a recommitting to the promises you've been keeping.

It is also true that marriages (and all relationships) need celebrations. They do better when you pay attention to them and ask your community to pay attention to them. Our marriages do better as well when we know the specific vows we have committed to uphold. Even if the vows are the same, the emphases may be different. Your renewal wedding vows and your vow renewal ceremony should speak to your needs and desires in this next stage of your life.

As you move forward, think about some of these things:

• What have you accomplished with your marriage thus far?

• What are you planning to do with your marriage now?

• How are you planning to keep the passion alive now that life is different? (not alive now? How are you going to get it back?)

• How about the romance?

• How will the rhythm of your relationship change now that your lives are changing?

• How will you include one another in your lives in this new era of your marriage?

• What things might you be doing more on your own?

• Are you planning to update your communication skills as you enter a new and unfamiliar era? (If not, why not? Have you ever run into a marriage that wouldn't benefit from improved communication skills?)

• How will you care for yourself and for one another as you move forward?

• What kind of support and companionship do you want from your family and your community?

You've come a long way together. And now there are new vistas ahead. Stride into your future content that you've got the support you need from the partner you love to make this beloved relationship even more fabulous.

Bottom Line?: Give your relationship the chance it deserves to succeed wildly, against all odds! After all, you deserve it. Your relationship deserves it! And now I'd like to invite you to sign up to receive 2 free templates for creating the wedding ceremony of your dreams, the wedding vows of your heart and the marriage of a lifetime: http://annkeelerevans.org/weddings/free

By Ann Keeler Evans

The Rev. Ann Keeler Evans - helping you move from "I do" to happily and healthily ever after!

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Divorce Doesn't Have to Be Messy!

First things first, everyone knows that divorce is a very tough thing for a family to go through. I think that just about everyone who decides to get married hopes for the best, that would result in a long, happy lifetime marriage. Unfortunately, we all know that it doesn't always work out that way. And next thing you know one or both parties are filing for divorce.

Just like you've always heard, you don't make a big decision on emotion, you have to do the same with divorce. Especially if you have children. You don't have to be best friends with your soon to be ex, but things would go a lot better for the both of you if the two of you can become cordial. Even if you don't want to be, or pretty much can't stand the individual.

The best way to overcome possible hate for the other person is to think about the good or great times that you and that person had together. Most likely the whole marriage wasn't quote on quote hell. The better that the two of you get along, the easier the process of the divorce will go.

Another thing that you should try not to do is play the blame game. Take responsibility for your part, because more than likely you had at least 50% of the reason why the marriage didn't work out. It is okay, don't beat yourself up about it. It happens to the best of us. Brad and Jen, Whitney and Bobby, well the last couple might not be a great example - but you get my point hopefully!

By Milton Alston

M. Ray Alston III

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Common Law and Married Relationships - When Divorce is the Only Option, It's Best to Know the Facts

For example, in most countries the law forbids a man or woman from marrying his sister or brother, and a person may not marry his grandmother, and one must be able to understand the nature of marriage and the duties and responsibilities that go with it - in other words be of sound mind. In most countries, a person who is considered a minor must have their parents consent and where the parents are separated, the parent with whom the minor is living with gives written consent. There are other issues involved when it comes to the marriage of a minor and these rules are there for very good reason.

A marriage is considered valid by the issuing of a marriage certificate and in most Canadian Provinces the department involved in Married Certificates is referred to as "Vital Statistics" which is a Government office. Usually to obtain a Marriage Certificate the couple must apply together at least 24 hours before their wedding unless the time frame is waived because of unusual circumstances.

In most countries there is a time frame as to how long between the issue of a marriage certificate and the wedding. In some areas as per the rules the wedding must take place within three months after the license has been issued. It is important to check out the rules that apply in the Province or State or Country where you are living in order to be clear as to the rules. Laws are different in many other areas and it is important to check these out, if you have a problem you should consult with a Lawyer.

People who live together but are not married are generally referred to as living Common Law and from information that is available the definition of common law seems to be one that has many meanings, for example some laws say that common law partners must live together for a specified period of time before each partner acquires certain rights or responsibilities.

Other laws require that the two must intend to live together in a conjugal relationship and on a permanent basis but do not set out a specific length of time In some Canadian Provinces a common law partner includes couples who have registered their relationship with the Vital Statistics Agency

There are many good books that give excellent advice on these points and a book called "Family Law in Manitoba is one that covers many family issues some of which I have referred to here and is worth obtaining Once again it is important to note that when one is not sure as to what he or she should do, they should contact a Family Lawyer for guidance.

By Robert Galloway

Robert Galloway is an expert on Divorce and Separation as well as offers advice on do it yourself divorce between couples whom amicable wish to end their marriage. Offering sound advice to both husbands and wives whether children may be involved or not. Find out more information on http://www.betterbuydivorce.com.

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How a Family Lawyer Will Ensure Your Divorce is Done Right

Divorce is defined as the dissolution of a marriage in the presence of a court. If the divorce is not certified by the court then it is not considered a legal divorce. Once a couple completes a divorce they are free to marry anyone else of their choosing. Divorce not only affects the man and woman involved in the case but also the extended family and the children from the marriage if there were any. A divorce lawyer can help anyone going through a divorce get through the proceedings without ripping their hair out and becoming increasingly frustrated with the other person involved.

Divorce can be a mentally frustrating process and hiring a lawyer to help get through the process is the best thing to do. Why? A lawyer will help with the filing of forms, requesting property when the division of property takes place, figuring out who gets custody of the children, determining visitation rights, figuring out child support and spousal support, and how the debt of the couple should be divided. A divorce lawyer for a divorce case can make the proceedings much easier to deal with than representing oneself.

The majority of states in the United States require that a spouse be a citizen of that state for at least six months before filing for divorce in that state and proof of residence for that time frame must be presented to the court before filing for divorce. The proof can be a written or oral declaration by someone with knowledge of that person's residence in the specified state. Sometimes the spouse of another will decide to file for divorce in another state and if this is so the other spouse should file for divorce in their own state immediately in order to avoid travel as much as possible.

During a divorce there are a plethora of things to decide upon for the two parties involved. A divorce case will not take only one appearance in court to settle the differences between a husband and wife. More than likely a divorce case, if the two parties cannot agree on anything, can take anywhere from two months to a year to complete. A divorce lawyer will help any divorce proceedings progress at a quicker pace and will help their client get the most property and assets from the split as possible.

Some of the things that need to be decided on in a divorce case are child custody, child support, spousal support, property division, debt division, child visitation rights and much more. If the spouses involved in a divorce case can come to an agreement on everything involved in the split then they can obtain an uncontested divorce. An uncontested divorce is when the couple is not on separate pages when it comes to dividing the property, assets, child support, and child custody. If a couple reaches an uncontested divorce then the proceedings will be extremely quick to complete. As with a regular divorce, a divorce lawyer can help a couple obtain an uncontested divorce rather quickly.

By Justin DiMateo

For more information on the process for a contested divorce or Uncontested Divorce you can schedule a consultation with a Riverside County Divorce Lawyer visit the offices of Diefer Law Group

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